Thursday, 30 June 2011

The Apprentice: Tom should have gone, Melody and Zoe should wrestle


The Apprentice is always much better when it gets to five or six candidates, when we're left with the cold-hearted mentals. Those characters who, either by luck or by judgement, have managed to avoid being fingered by Lord Sugar's fat pointy man-digit in the boardroom.

A more entertaining collection of psychopaths you won't see anywhere - and as the stakes get raised the pantomime drama cranks up a notch too.

But with the firing of Zoe, did the right gobby girl go?

No. It should have been Tom.

Not that he's a gobby girl of course; in fact, the self-styled inventor looks like one of those lanky school boys we used to call 'early developers' and who was harmless enough but no-one really wanted to talk to him in the playground.

You know the type - he had to start shaving at 12 and was all arms and legs on the football pitch, and would instead prefer to make precisely to-scale airplane models, alone in a dimly-lit garage.

And put up against Melody and her 'global business', and the 'immensely driven' Zoe, you'd think that affable unshaven Tom wouldn't stand a chance in the boardroom.

The sniping bitch-fight between Melody and Zoe - coming across like a right pair of old bags - was the highlight of episode 9, 'Biscuits',  and so it's shame we won't get to see more of this.

Melody should be out next, for the crimes of not listening to anyone and for upsetting Swansea (never upset the Welsh!), and then perhaps her and Zoe can fight it out once and for all, perhaps with some sort of non-kinky wrestle.

Zoe can pull Melody's hair, Melody can pull Zoe's hair, and then former candidate Glenn Ward can come in and break it up, but even he won't be able to stop them, because remember Melody has a 'global business' and Zoe is 'immensely driven', while Nick Hewer sits, arms-folded and inwardly tutting to himself, as the two contestants fight it out over who has the best business brain/is the best fighter/has the hottest fella, say.

It's a BBC Three spin off waiting to happen.

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