Friday, 23 September 2011

Paula Abdul saw a man's willy on US X Factor and it made her sick; here he'd be a celebrity

If a man dropped his pants and waved his bits about during an audition on the UK X Factor, we'd probably all have a jolly good laugh about it.

ITV would do a phone-in to see if he should trim or not for his next appearance.

Dermot would be a bit cross but secretly think it was funny.

Olly and Caroline would interview his social worker on The X-tra Factor.

It's all because an undiagnosed mental health problem presenting itself as inappropriate exhibitionism, masquerading in turn as entertainment, makes great tv.

Many have built careers on it.

But when this very incident happened in the first episode of the new US version of The X Factor (showing in the UK on Wednesdays on ITV2), judge Paula Abdul only went and walked out.

And then, back stage, she coughed, and coughed again, and then retched, like she'd just received terrible news.

And then she said she was sick - and all within reach, and ear-shot, of the film crew.

Where's your pluck, woman? You're not going to be freaked out by some man's ill-timed showing of his penis are you?

Oh you are.

As a result, Paula Abdul's over-reacting overshadowed Cheryl Cole's low-key but actually quite alright, but, of course, ultimately doomed first (and only), appearance on the show.

And Cheryl wasn't fazed by a man prancing about with his trousers around his knees (blurred out for us at home) - in fact, she didn't blink an eye: "I've seen worse on a Friday night at Yate's," she didn't say.

So will penis man make an appearance in the US final when all the 'useless' acts come back ahead of the announcement of the winner?

And can we bring penis man to the UK Boot Camp stage?

Kelly Rowland would give a head-flick and stare full of attitude, while Tulisa would rate him out of ten and Louis would be mysteriously quiet.

Gary wouldn't like it, but that's ok.

But will we see him again? Of course not. It's a singing competition.

So why include him in the first place? Because the producers must have judged it to be funny (at least for us at home) and because Paula Abdul had a turn.

Still, let's hope penis man gets the help he needs, eh, readers.

Or at least some new elastic for his waistband.

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