Sunday, 9 October 2011

X Factor: Can we send the judges home, let the thing run itself?

If Downton Abbey is the downer, the sleep inducing narcotic designed to lull us into sleep as we say goodbye to the weekend, making us all think we've got servants and it's 1914, then the X Factor is the upper, the stimulant, the televisual equivalent of SHOUTING IN A NIGHT CLUB NEXT TO THE SPEAKER BECAUSE IT'S SO MENTAL IN HERE I SAID BECAUSE IT'S SO MENTAL.

So come these here X Factor live shows, and like many viewers perhaps, judge Louis has already probably upped his meds to cope with all the excitement.

Those flashing lights would give anyone a funny turn, and in fact may well explain his "erratic" styling and song choices for his acts - soldier Jonjo, already sent home and so back to Afghanistan, struggled with his chosen song on the first live show, while Johnny wore a coat made of kitchen foil.

Imagine the dismay - you get chosen for the live X Factor shows only to discover your mentor is Louis.

What's he done for us lately?

Furthermore - like all this actually matters in some way - we were promised a twist in the first Sunday show, but why can't the twist (one of each of the judges' acts getting sent home) be that the judges themselves get sent home?

Let all the contestants sort it out for themselves - song choice, styling, dance routines, performance feedback.

Get Sinitta on standby for tips on wearing enormous leaves.

The resultant show would be a shambles, of course, but it might liven things up no end. Rather than new judges, how about no judges?

Kitty would dive into the nearest swimming pool to attract some - any! - attention before hunting out the nearest camera, NuVibe would be all over the place, that boy with the arse would have it out at any opportunity, and the acts with the least pop star sounding names ever - Janet Devlin and Craig Colton - would look a bit awkward but grateful to be there.

Because with names like that they sound like they should really be down the local Asda.

Still, let the X Factor love flow - let's rejoice, a bit, in those flashing lights, the heartbeat noise to up the tension whenever a decision is made, the operatic music, the tears, those flashing lights again, Dermot, the fact that Konnie Huq is NOWHERE TO BE SEEN and the fact that the three new judges are actually doing a pretty good job.

Ooh - next week's show has Katy Perry on it.

Let's hope she sings in tune this time eh.

Related stories:
Paula Abdul saw a man's willy on US X Factor and it made her sick; here he'd be a celebrity

No comments:

Post a Comment