Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Made in Chelsea: Series 3 episode 6 - Off to Chelsea-on-sea, but we can't take Ollie

Jeez Louise fellow Chelsea followers, tv-ooh doesn't know where to look. When oh when, exactly, did this light-hearted structured-reality playful telly show about good-looking posh knobs tottering about a heavily stylised and, indeed, fictionalised part of west London (including numerous bars and restaurants getting a bit of free advertising) become a bleak and damning essay on the intricacies of modern romance and the barren self-destructive hopelessness therein?

Well, the answer is that it hasn't - yet. For the complicated three-way relationship between lovely Labrador Jamie, indecisive Louise and shark-like Spencer (but actually just a goon, especially when in ill-advised shorts and smart shoes combo) continues onwards and downwards, but only this time the 'action' has moved to Dubai. But why Dubai?

Well, it looks nice, if a little nippy at times (at one stage Louise is buttoned up to the neck while Milly grins and bears it in a bikini, while the screen's brightness is turned up to disguise the cloudy sky).

And, as long as they don't invite everyone's favourite gay-to-bi-to-gay Ollie Locke (let's not mention Dubai's lack of gay-friendly credentials, it'll ruin the pardy), Dubai is very Chelsea: it fits the whole 'rich' idea of wealth and health and job-free carefree living, and is also another excuse to DRINK CHAMPAGNE, except this time it's on a yacht.

So Dubai is like Chelsea-on-sea. It's the spin-off series waiting to happen.

But plot-wise, it was so Hugo could introduce girlfriend Natalie to his father, via some girly chat between Natalie, Milly and Louise about how Natalie and Hugo are now 'rilly serious' and how they have, like, talked about getting engaged? End of season surprise engagement party on the cards anyone?

Francis on a horse in the desert on his phone: but how did he even get a signal?

It was also - clank! - another inevitable spanner in that Louise/Jamie/Spencer merry-go-round, resulting in Francis - conspicuous by his presence, given that he's not exactly friends with the Dubai gang, even though he was also there for a sport tournament or something, or perhaps just for that comedy Lawrence of Arabia moment of him riding horseback in the desert - reporting back to Jamie that Spencer and Louise had 'hooked up'. Spencer had taken her for a spin in a red sports car and gave her a special bracelet in a box. Which isn't a sex act, by the way; it's just a bracelet.

But did Louise and Spencer really hook up? Did they really? We don't know - but if they say they did, then they must have done. Ours is not to reason why, or ask how far these people let their lives be shaped by the demands of the drama. But either way, Louise doesn't come off very well at all. Having protested that she is no longer interested in Spencer, her actions in Dubai seem... confused, to say the least.

And poor old Jamie at home, innocently playing badders (or shuttlecocks, whatevs) with Binks in the park - we love Binks - now has to face another round of another game: of love triangle tennis. Ahem.

Other note-worthy points worth noting like all this matters somehow

Are the so-called 'storyliners' of Chelsea intent on turning Cheska into an interfering old bag or what?
'Kimberley's like this little lamb, grazing amongst daisies and flowers'.

After her run-in with Gabriella the other week about Richard, which we could understand, she now 'warns' flicky-haired sex kitten Kimberley to treat Richard fairly. Kimberley turned down his date invitation a few weeks ago but has now decided she quite likes him - unbelievably - and so prompting Cheska to warn her not only about her 'reputation' (Kimberley has been on a few dates) but also to not confuse things with Richard. 

Is Ollie back to supporting role again?

Yes. He's had his gay roller-disco date with Chris (who looked like he worked as an actor in musicals in the West End), but it didn't work out, so now he appears to be back in the supporting character cupboard again. Boo. Tv-ooh predicts Chris will be back in a few weeks. There's unfinished business there, you mark tv-ooh's words, even if that's just Chris needing an explanation for Ollie's inexplicable over-size jumper with the word LOVE on it.

Gabriella's hair
Gabs 'in the studio' with rainbow-colured hair-tips.

She's dyed the tips of her hair several different colours, many of them resembling the colours of rust. Maybe it is to impress Richard while she 'lays down' the acrobatic-like 'vocals' for that tv advert he has been planning for the past five weeks.

Either way, it won't work, but we are warming to you, you old loon. Go Gabs!

Next week

Ooh, next week - there are going to be tears. The tears we want - Spencer's - won't be forthcoming, although we bet he's crying on the inside, permanently.

No, it'll be Jamie's and Louise's. Don't take her back Jamie, send her on her way!

Like we say, a bleak and damning essay on the intricacies of modern romance and the barren self-destructive hopelessness therein.

We love it.

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