Friday, 17 August 2012

London 2012 Olympics: Twelve things we're missing about the Olympics on tv


How are you coping, readers? Around these parts of the internet we were unashamedly IN SUPPORT OF the Olympics and everything that that entailed, and, as a result, we're not faring too well in its wake, as it happens.

It does, in particular, and like most things here on tv-ooh, relate to watching television.

How did we ever manage prior to wall-to-wall coverage of sport of varying quality and engagement, delivered to us by presenters of varying quality and engagement, all mainly from a glass box on top of some shipping containers at the Olympic park in east London?

Suddenly Homes Under the Hammer just isn't enough anymore for daytime. Cash in the Attic just feels hollow; empty somehow. If there's not a live programme linked to wining a competition recognised by a medal and a small bunch of flowers then there's just no point to it. And no, the phone-in competitions on This Morning don't count.

It feels like there's NOTHING TO WATCH ON THE TV ANYMORE.

Of course that's not actually true, but, do you know, we miss - ONE - Clare Balding and her infectious and informed enthusiasm; her connection to the camera, and, therefore, the audience at home. We miss - TWO - guessing what colour of sensible polo shirt she might wear, or wondering if she might end up going for a top that is vaguely naval-themed, or how immaculate her remarkable flick-fringe hair arrangement might be.

We even miss - THREE - seeing who can irritate who the most, whenever Gary Lineker and Ian Thorpe are paired together on screen, or wondering how some of the experts, in particular Ian Thorpe, appear to be putting in 15 hour shifts commentating on the swimming and still be all articulate and vaguely aloof like he'd skipped both lunch and dinner.



We also miss - FOUR - holding our breath whenever presenter Sinali Shah is on screen, in fear of a slightly out-of-her-depth post-competition interview with losing participants from Team GB ('Bad luck', she said once, to a pair of fifth-placed female rowers, while on another occasion she didn't let her co-presenter and expert Graham Bell get a word in) (although to be fair she did improve over time so we can let her off).

We miss - FIVE - bobbing about to what sounds like an instrumental version of Tulisa's track 'Young' while we see the 'what's coming up today' graphic, or noticing that - SIX - Chris Hollins looks a bit nervous around Sian Williams on the special BBC Breakfast Olympic sofa, knowing full well the queen of Breakfast is back on her throne, albeit temporarily, and that behind that smile you know she'll bollock anyone who reads any of her bits out by mistake.

Sinali Shah: 'Bad luck!'
We miss - SEVEN - the BBC News bulletins being delivered from the 'special BBC News studio at the Olympic park in east London' (specially built on top of a tower block) and - EIGHT - guessing whether the sound is going be right or not today, or - NINE - seeing how windy it is outside for the poor weather forecaster on the balcony outside ('We're 22 floors up!').

We miss - TEN! - Steve Redgrave being employed to talk about something - anything! - at every available opportunity, or the slightly menacing Matthew Pinsent both walking and talking during his 'films', or at least the ones that weren't narrated by the equally menacing and omnipresent Eddie Butler, or - ELEVEN! - Colin Jackson's guides to 'the science bits' of sport and how it actually all works, but told in 90 seconds, although to be honest we think we probably imagined those, so mind-boggingly baffling were they.

Oh yeah and we also miss - TWELVE! AS IN 2012! Do you see! - watching all the sports stuff and the athletes winning medals but you can take that bit as read, cheers.

Time for a weepy clips montage set to maudlin' but rousing music, we think.



And here's a clip from BBC World News where we're shown around the BBC's specially built Olympic news studios on top of a tower block, as we say.



Brilliant.
Related stories:
London 2012 Olympics: A generally quite positive review of the closing ceremony including inevitable Spice Girls reference
London 2012 Olympics: So was that opening ceremony one of the best tv shows ever? YES IT WAS

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