Monday, 19 August 2013

Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger: The possessor of the biggest mouth on television, which is nice

Tell me, reader, are you familiar with the name of Patti Stanger? She is a 'third generation' matchmaker, and has her own television programme called The Millionaire Matchmaker.

You can watch it here in the UK on ITV2 every weekday at 5.05pm. It's probably quite popular with the lonely and/or unemployed, and offers a nice 'comedown' after the tension-filled thrills of Deal or No Deal but, if truth be told, the standard definition picture of ITV2 is quite the letdown after the crisp HD of Noel Edmonds' shirt on Channel 4 HD.

But anyway, Patti Stanger, who runs an LA-based dating agency in which she sets up singleton milionaires with other non-millionaire singletons via well-controlled drinks parties she likes to call her 'mixers' (two-drink rule!), is a no-nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is bolshy 52-year-old woman from New York.

Part of her charm - if you will - apart from admiring the fact that she doesn't look anywhere near her 52 years, is her frank speaking, her rudeness: most often displayed when either her millionaires fail to take her dating advice (a recurring theme is the millionaires often like to 'test' their dates, while others have perverse ideas of first-date wooing - like taking dolled-up women gardening, or rowing on a rickety raft in searing heat or showing a date their self-promoting show-reel). No wonder these millionaires are single.

This is Destin and Rachel
Other parts of the show ripe for some prime Stanger-abuse is when the auditionees (the people who hope to be picked to be chosen for the mixer, and so get a chance to go on the date with the aforementioned millionaires) are being selected by Patti (pronounced 'Paddy') and her henchmen, co-workers (and real life couple) Destin and Rachel.

To a tall, muscular woman who is a clearly a woman: 'Are you a drag queen?'

To a black woman with dyed blonde hair extensions that haven't seen a comb or a brush since I don't know when: 'What's that on your head? Sort your hair out and you can come to the mixer!'

A young woman who says she's 'a photographer': 'Do you pay your own bills each month?' (Her answer: 'No'.)

To a shy, ginger millionaire internet whiz-kid geek: 'Don't peck, kiss. Birds peck, and no-one wants to marry a bird.' (Patti usually doesn't work with gingers)

To a short woman with a complicated strap-heavy ankle boot that defies explanation: 'Never cover your ankles with a shoe. It shortens the leg and that's the last thing you need.'

And to a sweet-looking blonde woman, as Patti refers to the woman's picture: 'Is this you 20 pounds ago?'

The list could go on - like when she called a single parent waitress 'a train wreck', and naturally, many people take exception to her insults. But it's Patti's way or the highway - and if you don't like it, she'll threaten to throw you down the stairs.

On the other hand, if she likes you, she'll offer you a hug. But dare cross her and she'll be shouting all over you again before swearing profusely (at least that's the assumption - the sound dip and mouth-blur prevent us from truly knowing the exact colour of her profanity, which is a shame and the one thing that could liven this lively programme up even further: a little bit of tea-time profanity from a crazed New York matchmaker).

Quite simply, what's not to love. What a legend. This is tv-ooh's current favourite programme.